How to Give Feedback That Actually Works

Giving positive feedback is easy. It’s comfortable. You get to see a smile on someone’s face, everyone’s happy, and it feels great.

But let’s be real - that’s not what you get paid the big bucks for as a manager.

As a leader, your true value comes from your ability to give critical feedback in a way that actually helps your team members develop, grow, and improve.

Because if your intention for giving critical feedback is anything other than helping someone become the best version of themselves, then you've got the wrong motivations, and you should probably stop.

So, how do you do it in a way that truly lands and makes a difference?

Ditch the “Feedback Sandwich”

The old-school “feedback sandwich” - praise, critique, praise - is kind of old hat... 🥪

For me, the best way to approach it is to coach them through the process.

Giving unsolicited critical feedback creates a negative connection and a defensive response, turning the conversation into a conflict. It triggers that classic Blame, Excuse, Deny or Shield and Dagger reaction.

For example, if you just smack someone with critique out of the blue, they’ll feel attacked and it will hurt.

But if you give them a heads-up - "Hey, I'm about to give you some feedback that might feel uncomfortable, but I want you to know my intent is to help you be your best self" - you let them mentally prepare.

By priming them for what’s coming, you reduce the risk of reaction and increase the chance that they are receptive. That’s your goal.

The Intentionality of Your Words

As a manager, your intention for critical feedback is always about helping the support, growth, and development of your team.

If your intention for critical feedback is rooted in your own reactivity, you're not coming from the right place so you've got to settle that within yourself in the first place.

You're shifting the narrative from “I'm giving you bad news” to “I'm here to tell you how I can help you become the best version of yourself.”

This mindset completely changes the tone of the conversation and makes the feedback land in a much more productive way. You're not just delivering a message; you're partnering with them on a journey.

Building Psychological Safety with Consistency

This is all about creating psychological safety, a buzzword that’s actually really accurate and important.

You do this by being intentional with your words.

Try starting with something like this:

“Look, I'm going to have a conversation with you now, and there’s going to be some stuff that feels like maybe I am having a go at you or I’m not happy.

I can tell you upfront right now that that’s not the case, but what I do want to bring up are some areas where I think there’s room to improve in.

I want you to understand that this is my way of trying to help you, and feel free to interrupt me at any time with questions because this is actually supposed to be something that helps us both. How does this sound for you?”

And this isn’t a one-and-done kind of thing. Consistency is key.

If you only give critical feedback once a year after a negative event, someone might connect that conversation to the bad outcome and just feel like they got in trouble. That’s not what we want.

We want them to see it as a normal, healthy part of their growth. By being consistent, you make these conversations easier for both of you.

Like anything, if you train for it, you'll get better at it, and that applies to both sides of the conversation 🏋️‍♀️

Finding the Right State of Mind

A good manager also knows that a key skill to hone is coaching their team to be in the "right state of mind" to receive feedback. This means helping them understand that feedback, even when unsolicited, is a tool for improvement.

When you're consistent with your approach, you’re training your team to not immediately default to a defensive state.

Your ultimate goal is to give critical feedback in a way that is most likely to result in a positive outcome. And by coaching people through that process as you're doing it, you're helping them get the most value out of the conversation - value that leads to development and advancement.