Is your Boss Managing you Using Fear?

Fear and anger at work? Yeah, that's way more common than we'd like admit (at least in my experience). And they’re not just emotions running wild. Unfortunately, sometimes, especially when suppressed, they can become management tools. Consciously or unconsciously, they can be used to get things done.

The problem? While fear and anger might spark quick results, over time, they can trap us in a toxic cycle that kills trust, motivation, and creativity.

It’s like a hamster wheel of stress nobody asked to be on.

Fear is The Ultimate Short-Term Hack (That Backfires Big Time)

Ever felt your heart race before a big meeting? Or get that knot in your stomach when the boss strolls by? That’s fear doing its thing. It’s an ancient survival mechanism that works great for emergencies - think fire alarms, last-minute deadlines, or crisis mode (or in the context of evolution, running away from that hungry looking lion!)

Unfortunately, fear is often used as a tactic in the workplace - sometimes on purpose, most of the time without even realising it - to get compliance or performance. It’s like that classic “carrot and stick” method we all learned about ages ago. The stick? Fear. The carrot? Rewards.

I do agree that fear can push people to act fast, especially when the stakes are high, and that sometimes it is needed. But relying on fear day in, day out? That’s a recipe for disaster. It drains energy, stunts growth, and destroys trust. Over time, it chips away at performance and creativity.

😡 Anger is The Fire That Can Warm or Burn

Anger’s a double-edged sword. It’s inspired revolutions and rallied people to fix broken systems.

But these days, anger’s also a cash cow for businesses who want you riled up and engaged -think social media drama or toxic workplaces.

Fear fuels anger, and anger blinds us to the fact that we fear might be misplaced. It’s a vicious cycle, and we can all get caught in it.

The Victim-to-Victimiser Tango... How We Get Stuck

In this cycle, we often slip into roles without even realizing it.

The “victim” feels powerless under fear or anger, while the “victimiser” (often a manager or leader) uses those emotions to control or get compliance.

But it’s not that simple. Sometimes we play both roles. Maybe you feel like a victim at work but are a victimiser in other parts of life. It's like we have both parts in ourselves first, and then they get manifested outside. The tricky part? These roles can feel familiar, even safe.

For example, maybe your boss uses fear to push you. It might feel like they hold all the power, but have you stopped to wonder why you’re letting that fear grab hold? What inside you is resonating with that kind of control and false power dynamic? That’s where the real work of empowerment begins - inside yourself.

How to Break the Cycle and Reclaim Your Power

It might feel easier to blame your boss or your colleague, but that's only going to keep you in the same loop.

Here’s how you take your power back:

Spot the Cycle: When fear or anger show up, pause and ask, “What am I really feeling? Am I stuck in this dance?” Awareness is always the first step.

Own Your Response. Your boss might try to scare you, but you decide how much power that fear has over you. Set boundaries, find allies, and protect your energy.

Reconnect to Your ‘Why’. What lights you up beyond fear? Your mission, your values, your desire to grow and help? That internal purpose is your real fuel, not fear.
Find Your People. Build a squad that gets you. Positive support can help break the cycle like nothing else, and you can learn by asking for feedback that is honest but non-judgemental.
Practice Radical Self-Compassion. Fear and anger are part of being human. Cut yourself some slack, it’s all part of the journey.
Speak Up. When it feels safe, have honest conversations about how fear-based tactics affect you. Sometimes just naming the problem shakes things up, because most people do it unintentionally.
Turn Pain Into Power. Every tough moment is a chance to learn and grow. Ask yourself this: What is this situation teaching me? How can I evolve from here? What do I need to bring forth in myself?

What Actually Works Long-Term? Hint... It’s Not Fear

Here’s what really drives people in the long run: a sense of purpose, mission, and connection.

It’s the natural desire to do good, serve others, grow, evolve, and be part of something bigger than ourselves.

That’s why long-term successful teams and companies that focus on collaboration, confidence, and shared goals often win the long game, even if fear-based tactics can seem “effective” short term.