Forget Praise, Ask to be Roasted - Your Guide to Critical Feedback

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: that warm, fuzzy feeling you get from compliments and glowing reviews? It feels amazing, but it's probably doing you a disservice!

We all love receiving praise. It makes us feel good, boosts our self-esteem, and lets us know we’re on the right track. But... just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s actually going to benefit you on the long run🤫

In fact, it can, sometimes, be the opposite.

Think about it logically. When someone says, “Hey, good job! I love what you did there,” what’s the natural conclusion? You think, “Okay, I did everything right. There’s no room for improvement. I’m awesome. I’ll just keep doing what I'm doing.”

But this kind of thinking often stops you from doing any real analysis. You don’t take the time to critique and analyse your own performance because, well, you’ve just been told everything is all good. It’s comfortable, and most people will happily settle for lots of positive feedback for this very reason.

But what if you could choose a different, more powerful path?

What if you could choose to get comfortable with being uncomfortable?

Imagine asking a good friend to punch you in the stomach as hard as they can. Now, that would typically be a painful, negative experience.

But because you’ve asked for it, you brace yourself. You tense your stomach muscles and prepare for it mentally and physically. It doesn’t hurt as much, and you don’t see it as an attack because you literally asked them to do it. Your brain is in a different mode.

That same concept applies in a purely mental space. When you actively ask for critical feedback, your brain sees it as an opportunity, not an attack. You've already put yourself in a receptive, non-defensive mindset, ready to receive the information and use it for your benefit 💥

When you’re used to getting feedback in a safe, low-stakes way - the kind you actually ask for - your brain starts building a little resilience muscle. It’s like quietly training for the big leagues. So when surprise, unsolicited feedback drops out of nowhere, it doesn’t send you straight into panic mode.

When feedback blindsides us, our primitive brain often jumps into fight-or-flight mode. That’s when we fall into what I call the B.E.D. response — Blame, Excuse, Deny — or its cousin, the Shield & Dagger reaction.

💥 Blame: “Well, if the client had actually given us the brief on time, I wouldn’t have missed the deadline.”

💬 Excuse: “I’ve been juggling so many projects, I just didn’t have the time to make it perfect.”

🙅‍♀️ Deny: “I don’t think that’s even true... the presentation was FINE.”

🛡️ Shield & Dagger: Throwing up a defensive wall and going on the counterattack: “Yeah, but you’ve missed deadlines too…”

Totally human. We’ve all done it. But if we only ever encounter feedback in these high-stakes, ambush moments, we’re basically standing in the ring without having done any training.

It’s like doing core exercises to protect yourself from a surprise punch. If you’ve been building up your feedback “core strength” in low-pressure situations, you’re less likely to get winded. Instead of flinching or firing back, you can breathe, absorb it, and stay grounded.

And the beauty of this? You’ll find you can take the hit without feeling personally attacked - calmly, curiously, and professionally 🧘‍♀️

One says to double down on your strengths and let your weaknesses be. If you’re pursuing a specialist role - say, an AI expert or a cybersecurity professional highly concentrated in a narrow field - then honing your one key skill is a fantastic strategy.

But if you want to be a well-rounded, holistic worker, especially if your goal is a leadership role, then improving your weaknesses is a far better approach. It makes you a more complete, balanced professional.

And what better way to do that than by actively asking others to help you identify those areas for improvement? This intentionality is what sets you apart from those who passively wait for praise 📈

You're creating an environment where the other person feels comfortable sharing something that could be seen as conflict-driving.

Instead of it being a source of conflict, it becomes a source of opportunity for both parties. Your manager, for example, will see that you're mature and genuinely committed to growth, which builds a stronger bond and a more genuine working relationship.

This kind of honesty is what takes a professional relationship from "just a job" to something truly collaborative.

What was the last piece of critical feedback you received? Was it solicited or unsolicited? How did you respond?

Share your story in the comments below and let's start a real conversation about embracing the discomfort of critique. 👇